209 Words:
Once upon a winter,
Walter took Thor fetching on the sandbars.
On the fourth
sandbar out, Walter peered about into heavy fog and Thor sensed
something was wrong.
“What are we
doing out here, Thor?” Walter asked.
Thor barked at him.
Then he barked towards shore, loud as a foghorn. Walter's jeans were
soaked from the tidepools. His gnarled hands trembled. Thor swam back
across the tidepool. Walter saw Thor had left his sqeaky tennis ball,
so he picked it up and followed. The water was almost to Walter's
chest; seweed encumbered him.
On the third sandbar, Walter sat and huddled. Thor barked until he couldn't bark anymore, then he put his head in Walter's lap and begged him to get up.
“Okay,” Walter
said, “I trust you, Thor.”
On the second
sandbar, Walter confusedly tried to go back out to sea. He accused
Thor of running off, he wept and he whimpered. Thor nuzzled Walter
and licked his face.
A woman came out of
the fog.
“Walter!” she
called. “Oh, Walter!”
“Who are you?”
Walter asked.
She took his hand.
“I'm Eileen. I'm your daughter.”
Walter took a hot
bath back at the cabin. Thor lay by the fire and watched Eileen pace
and whisper into the phone.
Thanks! I posted the even shorter version later this morning. It was a fun challenge to get everything in and was an exercise in precision -- however, I do prefer to elaborate, to get in people's heads. I want to write with both: a rambling precision.
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