Silence

Do you ever get that feeling...
That life is simply too big
For you to make any impression at all?
That there is so much more
Than we could ever know
Ever understand?

All I want is to understand

In the (vain?) hope that it will give me peace:

Why? Why all this trouble?

Why all this energy spent?

Creativity for its own sake?

Have you ever had one
Of those dreams where
You had everything that you don't have
When you wake up?
One where you find that hole
In your heart?

Have you ever felt so lonely
That you felt ready to crumble
And too scared to talk:
Not that no one would understand you
But that everyone would?

There is a loneliness
So bone deep
In all of us
It feels as though
If it were shared
If it were acknowledged
The consequences would be dire
The world would not be able to take it
The world would implode upon itself
And leave behind
Only silence.

And because there were no more humans
And therefore there was no more point
Time would stop
But time wouldn't stop
Because it can't stop
So instead it would run backwards
And it would look like this:
The earth would suddenly reappear
Out of nothing
In a blaze of hatred and disastrous empathy
Noise from the silence
Loneliness from the void.

Humans would disappear
Diversity would abound
The earth but not the world
Would flourish
The Cambrian would implode
RNA would drift apart in the clay
All the water would turn to steam
Lava would race from gravity
Flee to the center of the earth
The moon would crash back to earth
The earth would fall apart
The sun would disappear
Our galaxy would disappear
It would be the Big Disappearance
And then all the light would go too
And there would only be silence.

And God would clap his hands
And say gibberish that meant:
"Let there be Light
And let me make a great cacophony of being
That stretches on forever
And never stops expanding
Never stops creating and exploring
And somewhere within that great chaotic emptiness
I shall make the epitome of all life
And I shall name him man
And from silence shall I raise him
Until one day to silence he is returned
And I shall make him to be so small
In such a large universe
To remind him that he is small
And born of silence
And I shall make him flawed
Not out of action or heart or soul
But out of belief
I shall make him blind
His great downfall will be his own determination
To see himself as tainted
That he will kill everything
All of my beautiful life
Before he can admit this to himself
The reality;
It will be his blindness to the possibility
Of his own perfection;
But he will not know
And so he will perish
Into the realms of terrible self-inflicted loneliness
And he shall perish
Into silence."

And then God Himself melts back into the silence
From which he came
And then
There will be nothing left
But Silence.